What happened when I got off social media, part 2

Almost two years away and the positive effects have only compounded

Me and my favorite kid at a coffee shop last week. She’s so awesome. Great company. 10/10.

It’s been just over a year since I first wrote about what happened when I quit social media. I figured it was time for an update, but you can read the original post at the link below.

What happened when I got off social media

At that point (December 2023), life overwhelm + a general frustration with all things online pushed me away.

The results were nothing short of amazing.

And they have only compounded in the last year.

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What I quit

Everything.

I don’t use Facebook. I don’t use X. I don’t use Instagram. I don’t use any social unless I absolutely have to (more on that below), and I only access through the browser. I never had TikTok, I haven’t joined Bluesky, and I don’t even know about other apps out there these days…

I don’t have a single social media app on my phone. I don’t have email either, and I don’t have Substack.

What this means there is nothing to suck me in.

And what this means is that when I do log onto a social app, I am so repulsed and miserable at the sight of the feed…

Well, I post what I need to post and then I leap back off again.¹

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What I still do

I still use my newsletters. A lot. I love my newsletters—I always have.

There's this one, the

Misfits & Daydreamers

, that you’re reading. And there’s the dedicated fan one,

The Worlds of Susan Dennard

, I split off from here back in 2022.

(I’m also genuinely enjoying the ease of audio posts, even if I tend to ramble. I’ve never been a particularly filtered person, so rambling audio suits me!)

I also have a fan Discord I’m quite active on and love using.²

I check Instagram via browser every few days, just to make sure there isn’t something really important I was tagged in. There almost never is, ha! But occasionally I do need to post a cover reveal or pre-order announcement or event, etc. In that case, I will install the app. Post. Then delete again almost immediately.

What I do not ever do is scroll on any social media feed.

There was a short period where I felt guilty about this. Like I was being a bad friend by not constantly liking my friends’ posts or keeping up with their stories…

And then I realized that I actually talk to all of my closest friends almost daily over text/Discord/WhatsApp/Signal. I am plenty plugged into their lives and they are plugged into mine.

What I am not plugged into are all the “looser connections” of my life. (No offense to you if you’re a “looser connection.” Know that I love you as a human, and we can catch up any time over email or FaceTime or texting! I’m just not going to keep up via a feed.)

Also, I get genuinely angry because I know the feed is designed to keep me hooked. And now that I am not hooked, I want nothing to do with it. Go away, slot machine of dopamine!

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Positive side effects

There are so many, I don’t even know where to start.

For one, I no longer play the comparison game. I don’t know about the latest beauty trends that will make me feel ugly. I’m clueless about the latest fashion trends that would otherwise convince me I need to shop. I haven’t the faintest idea what the latest health and wellness trends are that would be urging me to diet/supplement/whatever. And creatively speaking, the latest popular book trends and authors are unknown to me, so I don’t have any doubts about my own creative career choices.

I have embraced the feeling of not giving a single solitary fuck.

And it is amazing. I cannot overstate how amazing it is. (Plus, the amount of money I have saved by not shopping to soothe a constant sense of inadequacy—so much money!)

But maybe what’s best of all is that the vacuum left behind has allowed me to reacquaint myself with ME.

What do I like? What do I want to write? What makes me feel good when it’s clothed on my body? What foods feel good inside my stomach? What am I creatively called to right now?

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The other noise that has quieted is the pressure to constantly perform for an audience.

It used to be that I’d update all day long—as most people do—about my life. Let me post about my great meal or this epic game or a beautiful view or a super clever thought I had!

But I wasn't really enjoying any of those activities. I wasn’t even present in them. Instead, I was thinking about the words I would later use to describe how great the meal was or epic the game or beautiful the view or clever my thoughts…

Since I no longer post, my brain has literally rewired. I just enjoy the food or the game or the view or my own cleverness. And if there’s something that I just really want to share, then hey! That’s what my friends are for. A text message suits just fine.

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This works the other way too: I don’t complain online anymore either. I have plenty of friends who can hear me rant if I need it. And if I’m upset with wars or natural disasters or politics, I donate money to the orgs that need it and reach out directly to the friends who might be seeking comfort.

I know that sounds a bit Pollyanna, but the result of not complaining or performing my outrage for the internet is that I can no longer rely on the internet to “soothe” my anxiety. I have to search elsewhere, and I think the results have been much more productive.

I used to fall into the trap of posting online because I was upset. That gave me a hit of dopamine, which tricked me into believing I’d solved the problem. But I hadn’t. All I’d actually done was spew more negativity into the world.

Now, I do actual work that makes me feel better and helps the world.

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Because I have all that extra space in my brain and in my day, I write so much more.

If I thought 2023 was a year of wild output, then 2024 put it to shame.

I cannot even calculate how many words I wrote—since so much of my process is cutting and rewriting. But I do know I drafted, edited and published the entirety of The Whispering Night (120,000 words in its final form).

I finished the second half (so ~80K) of Witchlight, edited the entire book, tightened it by 45K, and got it off to production. (That book is 162,000 words in total.)

I also finally drafted the last 20K of The Executioners Three, a book that sat unfinished for years after my miscarriage. I also reframed that entire book…twice. (Because I saw a better way to do it. And then an even better way!) I edited it with my editor and finished copyedits too. (It clocked in at 93,000 words.)

Then there were all the other books I worked on in between the contracted ones. I wrote 60,000 words of a totally new book in September (this is the book Two for Joy that I discussed here). I worked on a ton of other WIPs too, chipping away at them and accumulating more words.

Of course, this increased output is also a result of embracing my natural rhythms as a writer…

But I am absolutely certain that quitting social media was a huge help too. I have more writing time since there is no longer an eternal feed to suck me in.

And I have more mental space because there is no longer an inundation of algorithm-generated posts to make me hate myself.

I also re-cultivated an ability of focus and sit with discomfort because there’s no dopamine hit to “soothe” anymore.

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Maybe the most important result of quitting social media, though, is that I am happier.

Without social media to constantly make me feel bad about myself, without an inundation of information and life updates from people I scarcely know, without feeling like I have to perform my life for others all the time, without constant noise eating away at my creative self…

I am just so much happier.

I love writing. I love being a mom. I love talking to my friends. I love existing in this world and not giving a single solitary fuck about what’s happening in the digital one.

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Speed bumps

Initially, I worried I would be too unplugged to be a good citizen. How could I be an activist if I didn’t know the latest problems in the world? How could I be a good friend if I wasn’t constantly watching stories? How could I be successful author if I wasn’t aware of trends?

This hasn’t been a problem at all.

In hindsight, duh. The world did just fine before social media, and FOMO is exactly what social media companies want us to feel.

But trust me: JOMO is just as real—and what I’ve found is that I’m not actually missing any of the important stuff at all.

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Now I will be honest that I was not fully prepared for the boredom that comes when you have nothing to scroll during the “quiet moments.'“ I am much better than I used to be about sitting with my thoughts and not reaching for a phone, and I can focus for so much longer without itching for a distraction…

But the desire to mindlessly scroll when I eat lunch or I’m sitting at an airport…it remains.

And for about a year, I fed that desire with a raging news addiction. Which was its own version of unhealthy. (I mean, reading seventy-five different pieces about the same news event didn’t ever feel good.)

At least though, with news outlets, I couldn’t infinitely scroll. Once I’d read the latest news, I was out. I had to step away and get back to work (UGH!).

After the election, I decided I needed to cut out news too. I cancelled all of my subscriptions, all my paid political substacks, and all my paid podcasts. No more Wapo, no more NYT, no more Crooked Media, etc. The only thing I kept was The Atlantic (and I do still really appreciate that publication).

Unsurprisingly, I’ve had no trouble still keeping up with the latest news.

Do I still get frustrated with my phone because I will open it up in search of a dopamine hit…and there is nothing? YES. At least a few times a day, this happens to me.

But it also means I have no choice but to feel cranky for a few seconds (the receptors in my brain really wanted that dopamine hit, dammit!), then deal with it. Put the phone back down and get to work again or play with my kid some more or read a book or play more BG3³.

As for how I fill the “empty moments” like lunch breaks, I’ve lately started hitting record on my Otter app and just stream-of-consciousness talking throughout the meal.

Typically, I talk about whatever book I’m currently working on. I might be stuck, so I’ll brainstorm. Or maybe the words are flowing well, so I’ll just talk myself through what I need to write next.

This has been so successful for helping me remain immersed in my stories that I now record almost any time I have an empty mental moment. Cooking dinner? Hit record. Driving to pick up the kid at school? Hit record.

Something about speaking helps keep my thoughts more focused than just plain thinking would.

I like Otter too because I can just skim the transcript after to remind myself of any awesome ideas I had during the recording session. And I even made a special shortcut on my phone so all I have to do is tap the icon, and bam! A new Otter recording session starts up.⁴

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Moving forward

I have no plans whatsoever to return to social media. I’ll continue to occasionally pop into IG on my browser and then I’ll install the app if I need to post an update.

But otherwise, I’m so happy with my newsletters + my fan Discord as primary promotional tools. I see no reason to add anything.

More importantly, I’m so happy OVERALL. Why would I ever want to go back? I write more. I feel more content and certain in who I am as a human and what I like/want in the world.

I care about the things I need to care about, and I don’t even know about all the other stuff…because why should I?

So if any of you are wondering if it’s time to take the plunge, I am here to tell you it is. Don’t wait any longer. Do it today. Stop giving a fuck about the stuff that doesn’t actually need your attention.

Does it take some getting used to? ABSOLUTELY. Your brain is going to hunger for that dopamine. But find a replacement. (I still scroll on gaming news sites—I’ll come clean! But at least the feed is finite.)

And for me, the benefits have so vastly outweighed the costs.⁵ The joy of missing out is amazing. I love it over here in the quiet.

Come join me.

💚 - Sooz

1. I had to start a LinkedIn account to run ads for my Writing Academy, and I hated every second. I made the account. Gave the info to the woman running my ads, and I haven’t gone back since.

2. If you dig around on the

The Worlds of Susan Dennard

, you’ll find the link. Otherwise, the link isn’t public because I want to keep the community safe from random trolls.

3. I am now on my third playthrough of BG3 (sorcerer Dragonborn elf this time), and I’ve modded it out this time. So fun.

4. I also recently shifted to the DumpPhone app, making my phone…well, dumb. I love it. I ain’t got nothing interesting to do on here now! It’s just a great camera with a phone attached and some messaging apps.

5. I mean, the only actual “cost” is that I don’t promote as much. But given how the algorithm no longer even showed my content to my followers before December 2023, promoting on social had already lost its efficacy.