Sooz, thank you for sharing your experience with us. It was incredibly difficult to read and I cried the entire way through this newsletter. As a writer or content producer it's easy to feel that you owe your readers and your community something. We forget we're just humans trying our best like everyone else. You don't need me to say this but as a reader who loves your work you don't owe us anything. Any piece of you that you decide to share with us is a gift. You've built an amazing community and we'll always be here! My heart breaks for everything you've had to go through but to see you happy and touring and finding your joy makes me happy.
Thank you, Kayla. I'm glad I wrote it now because it actually helped me with some really tough publishing decisions I needed to make. I can't do this to myself again!
Thank you so much for this. You and I shared a lot of the same experiences in childbirth, so every detail resonated SO MUCH. Reading this post made me cry, but I was so glad I did. Thank you for sharing it.
“The writing will be there when we’re healed.” Amen. You know how sorry I am for everything you went through but I’m going to say it again: I’m so sorry, friend. Sending you so much love. 💗
Agree with Kayla, very difficult to read and very brave to write. I'm glad you called out some of the issues around seeking identity through your art. Many of us slip into those dangerous habits, and your voice could make a real difference in someone's life.
Thank you, Avram. It's so hard when our creative identities are wrapped up in a business we know we can lose at any point... That instability is terrifying--and not healthy! So I'm glad I wrote this and really stepped back to analyze the supremely horrible motivations behind why I did what I did to myself.
Learning to separate the job aspects from the writing is one of the things I've really struggled with. I love writing and I want to tell the stories! But the guilt that comes when I need a break, the desperation to finish something under a deadline I can't make in a healthy way . . . It's not good! As you CLEARLY know.
It's an ongoing lesson, one that seems to require regular reminders about! I don't know why we're so good at beating ourselves up for things when we'd never let a friend do that to themselves, but dang, we sure are.
And I'm glad to see that you've found ways to help yourself have realistic expectations about what is humanly possible. That's big. <3
Thank you so much for sharing this. It feels so much like my own experience (although for me it was finishing a dissertation after/while pregnant and then later publishing pressures). There’s such this sense that If we just work hard enough it HAS to work. And it’s hard to accept that especially with publishing (and parenthood, too) there just isn’t a way to control the success you may or may not have. Glad you’re finding ways to be healthier
There really ISN'T a way to control the success, and it's that uncertainty that drives us to make such poor health choices, I think. "I'll sleep later! I'll recover once this is done." But...it's never done. We never hit later.
Thank you so much for sharing. That must have been so hard to write - it was hard to read without tearing up. While I didn't experience birth trauma, I did go through a dark period of postpartum depression after my first child was born, and I still vividly remember sobbing when my husband gave me a writing-related gift for Christmas. Everything - my job, pumping, writing - felt completely impossible.
I am so sorry for what you went through, but also grateful that you're willing to share your experience and how you came out of it with your readers. Sending so much love to you (even though we've never met!).
Oh Sooz, thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm so sorry you went through all that (and continue to have frequent migraines) and so grateful that you're still with us. I know I'm not alone in wishing you all the health and happiness you deserve, xoxo.
Thank you for this! I had a traumatic birth experience as well. I found myself crying a month or so ago when I thought about how little help I had and it was not a pandemic. It was a long time ago but those memories are still there. My kids are 12 now (twins) born premies. I have been trying to write even a sentence on some days at the end of a long day. I was hoping I could push myself to really write this month and it started off great, but I didn't calculate in everything. So, I have the Etsy Method Planner you recommended in my cart to print on Dec. 1st. That way, for that month, things will be more realistic. I will still try this month but give myself grace for not making it happen as much as I wanted in my head. Thank you!
I hope the planner helps! it's not a cure-all, but I like the techniques (especially the kanban board) for helping me gain perspective and clarity when I really feel overwhelmed.
Sooz, as a nurse and someone that has followed you & your books for quite a long time, I feel so so bad for all you went through and how hard you were on yourself, even if I understand that publishing is a fucking hard industry and that the US health care system is fucked up. I just want to give you all the hugs, and congratulate you on working so hard on being kinder on yourself.
Thank you for sharing your stuggles, your lessons, so hard won some of them, and for sharing your wisdom & kindness. Thank you
Thank you so very much. I’ve had to neglect my writing due to a health situation and find myself thinking things such as - if I am a real writer, I could just write through the obstacles, or if my life is going to be shorter- then I’d better get moving on this project, etc. That pressure I put on myself has not helped my writing- of course. But it is helpful to hear your perspective and your experience- which breaks my heart, by the way. Thank you and Take Care. Reading your article has helped me immensely.
It's SO toxic--the "work ethic" we have all been raised with. "Just work through it! Toughen up!" But it's just a book. Not a nuclear warhead. Books matter, but no one will die if we need more time.
A strategy that I heard from another author who went through a serious health crisis while on deadline and being her family's breadwinner:
1. She said overall if you can stop and heal, you'll heal faster
2. Keep track of how you feel in the morning and how much you write (that can be words or hours or however you measure it)
3. After a few weeks, she realized that when she felt like a 2 or 3, any writing she didn't wasn't worth keeping anyway. So when she woke up and it was a low day, she didn't try to write and did other house things. (For her it was relative brain clarity, not necessarily physical ability.)
4. Then on days when she woke up feeling great, she canceled everything and wrote as much as she could.
Apply what of that you can and want to! She had to keep going because she paid the bills and the health issue wasn't going to go away anytime soon. Now she is much healthier and able to be more flexible and build her life better around her abilities, because she knows what she is dealing with. The period where they didn't know was the scariest part! But I liked the idea of recognizing when there's no point to writing and doing the little things—or even the big things, that don't require thinking or don't require whatever your "low" days take away. Her kids are older and she has different flexibility but it was a strategy that I think can apply at some level to everyone.
Thanks for all of this, Abigail! I feel like this is basically how I have had to approach motherhood without childcare. If I hit her nap time and don't have any juice left in my "empathy well," then so be it. I will take a nap.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm a little stunned about the similarities in our birth stories and subsequent health challenges, down to the dramatic increase in migraines this year, and the wildly skewed priorities in the middle of it all that seem so clear now in hindsight. I ache for you and what you've been through. Hopefully it will help the tiniest bit to know how very seen I feel after reading this. You've sparked some clarity in me that I didn't know I needed. Thank you again.
Aw, Jennie, I hate that you see so many similarities in my story. But thank you for sharing that. And I'm glad I could help you find some clarity. Writing this definitely gave me some.
Thank you so much for this. I found it in perfect timing as a struggle through a health issue today!
The only thing that reduced my migraines was going on a vegan diet 😳 it was not an easy transition, but 8 years later I only get them - at most - once a month now as opposed to twice a week.
Yes, my migraines are "vestibular" and triggered predominantly (though not exclusively) by flying....🥴which I've had to do a lot of this year with book release. But I also HAVE to fly for my job. This is new though! Maybe pregnancy changed my inner ear? WHO KNOWS.
I also cut out dairy almost 9 years ago because it was such a trigger for me! As soon as I eat much of that, they come back with a vengeance.
Sooz, thank you for sharing your experience with us. It was incredibly difficult to read and I cried the entire way through this newsletter. As a writer or content producer it's easy to feel that you owe your readers and your community something. We forget we're just humans trying our best like everyone else. You don't need me to say this but as a reader who loves your work you don't owe us anything. Any piece of you that you decide to share with us is a gift. You've built an amazing community and we'll always be here! My heart breaks for everything you've had to go through but to see you happy and touring and finding your joy makes me happy.
Thank you, Kayla. I'm glad I wrote it now because it actually helped me with some really tough publishing decisions I needed to make. I can't do this to myself again!
Holy shit, Sooz. I am reading the first part and tearing up. I had no idea. So, so much love to you.
Thanks, Asteria. It was a lot. Ha. (Understatement of the year.)
Thank you so much for this. You and I shared a lot of the same experiences in childbirth, so every detail resonated SO MUCH. Reading this post made me cry, but I was so glad I did. Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you for reading. I'm so sorry you went through something so similar, but I'm glad it could resonate with you. 💚
“The writing will be there when we’re healed.” Amen. You know how sorry I am for everything you went through but I’m going to say it again: I’m so sorry, friend. Sending you so much love. 💗
Thanks, friend. You and I have talked about this a lot lately, but I'm glad I wrote this. It helped me gain some needed perspective right now.
This newsletter in my inbox this morning was such a gift to me. I’m in tears. Thank you ❤️
Thank you, Dustin. Thank you for subscribing and reading. 💚
Agree with Kayla, very difficult to read and very brave to write. I'm glad you called out some of the issues around seeking identity through your art. Many of us slip into those dangerous habits, and your voice could make a real difference in someone's life.
Thank you.
Thank you, Avram. It's so hard when our creative identities are wrapped up in a business we know we can lose at any point... That instability is terrifying--and not healthy! So I'm glad I wrote this and really stepped back to analyze the supremely horrible motivations behind why I did what I did to myself.
Learning to separate the job aspects from the writing is one of the things I've really struggled with. I love writing and I want to tell the stories! But the guilt that comes when I need a break, the desperation to finish something under a deadline I can't make in a healthy way . . . It's not good! As you CLEARLY know.
It's an ongoing lesson, one that seems to require regular reminders about! I don't know why we're so good at beating ourselves up for things when we'd never let a friend do that to themselves, but dang, we sure are.
And I'm glad to see that you've found ways to help yourself have realistic expectations about what is humanly possible. That's big. <3
Thanks, Jodi. I know I'm not the only one in this business who has made questionable choices about her health for the sake of a book. It's...not good.
Thank you so much for sharing this. It feels so much like my own experience (although for me it was finishing a dissertation after/while pregnant and then later publishing pressures). There’s such this sense that If we just work hard enough it HAS to work. And it’s hard to accept that especially with publishing (and parenthood, too) there just isn’t a way to control the success you may or may not have. Glad you’re finding ways to be healthier
There really ISN'T a way to control the success, and it's that uncertainty that drives us to make such poor health choices, I think. "I'll sleep later! I'll recover once this is done." But...it's never done. We never hit later.
Thank you so much for sharing. That must have been so hard to write - it was hard to read without tearing up. While I didn't experience birth trauma, I did go through a dark period of postpartum depression after my first child was born, and I still vividly remember sobbing when my husband gave me a writing-related gift for Christmas. Everything - my job, pumping, writing - felt completely impossible.
I am so sorry for what you went through, but also grateful that you're willing to share your experience and how you came out of it with your readers. Sending so much love to you (even though we've never met!).
Ah, pumping. I wish that on no one. It is overwhelming and hard in a way you cannot understand until you're doing it.
Thank you for the comment! It's always nice to feel like someone understands.
Oh Sooz, thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm so sorry you went through all that (and continue to have frequent migraines) and so grateful that you're still with us. I know I'm not alone in wishing you all the health and happiness you deserve, xoxo.
Thank you, Annie. Truly.
Thank you for this! I had a traumatic birth experience as well. I found myself crying a month or so ago when I thought about how little help I had and it was not a pandemic. It was a long time ago but those memories are still there. My kids are 12 now (twins) born premies. I have been trying to write even a sentence on some days at the end of a long day. I was hoping I could push myself to really write this month and it started off great, but I didn't calculate in everything. So, I have the Etsy Method Planner you recommended in my cart to print on Dec. 1st. That way, for that month, things will be more realistic. I will still try this month but give myself grace for not making it happen as much as I wanted in my head. Thank you!
I hope the planner helps! it's not a cure-all, but I like the techniques (especially the kanban board) for helping me gain perspective and clarity when I really feel overwhelmed.
Sooz, as a nurse and someone that has followed you & your books for quite a long time, I feel so so bad for all you went through and how hard you were on yourself, even if I understand that publishing is a fucking hard industry and that the US health care system is fucked up. I just want to give you all the hugs, and congratulate you on working so hard on being kinder on yourself.
Thank you for sharing your stuggles, your lessons, so hard won some of them, and for sharing your wisdom & kindness. Thank you
Thank you, Pili. Always and forever, I'm grateful for your support. 💚
Thank you so very much. I’ve had to neglect my writing due to a health situation and find myself thinking things such as - if I am a real writer, I could just write through the obstacles, or if my life is going to be shorter- then I’d better get moving on this project, etc. That pressure I put on myself has not helped my writing- of course. But it is helpful to hear your perspective and your experience- which breaks my heart, by the way. Thank you and Take Care. Reading your article has helped me immensely.
It's SO toxic--the "work ethic" we have all been raised with. "Just work through it! Toughen up!" But it's just a book. Not a nuclear warhead. Books matter, but no one will die if we need more time.
A strategy that I heard from another author who went through a serious health crisis while on deadline and being her family's breadwinner:
1. She said overall if you can stop and heal, you'll heal faster
2. Keep track of how you feel in the morning and how much you write (that can be words or hours or however you measure it)
3. After a few weeks, she realized that when she felt like a 2 or 3, any writing she didn't wasn't worth keeping anyway. So when she woke up and it was a low day, she didn't try to write and did other house things. (For her it was relative brain clarity, not necessarily physical ability.)
4. Then on days when she woke up feeling great, she canceled everything and wrote as much as she could.
Apply what of that you can and want to! She had to keep going because she paid the bills and the health issue wasn't going to go away anytime soon. Now she is much healthier and able to be more flexible and build her life better around her abilities, because she knows what she is dealing with. The period where they didn't know was the scariest part! But I liked the idea of recognizing when there's no point to writing and doing the little things—or even the big things, that don't require thinking or don't require whatever your "low" days take away. Her kids are older and she has different flexibility but it was a strategy that I think can apply at some level to everyone.
Thanks for all of this, Abigail! I feel like this is basically how I have had to approach motherhood without childcare. If I hit her nap time and don't have any juice left in my "empathy well," then so be it. I will take a nap.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm a little stunned about the similarities in our birth stories and subsequent health challenges, down to the dramatic increase in migraines this year, and the wildly skewed priorities in the middle of it all that seem so clear now in hindsight. I ache for you and what you've been through. Hopefully it will help the tiniest bit to know how very seen I feel after reading this. You've sparked some clarity in me that I didn't know I needed. Thank you again.
Aw, Jennie, I hate that you see so many similarities in my story. But thank you for sharing that. And I'm glad I could help you find some clarity. Writing this definitely gave me some.
I hope you find solutions for your migraines!!!
Thank you so much for this. I found it in perfect timing as a struggle through a health issue today!
The only thing that reduced my migraines was going on a vegan diet 😳 it was not an easy transition, but 8 years later I only get them - at most - once a month now as opposed to twice a week.
I hope you find a resolution!
Yes, my migraines are "vestibular" and triggered predominantly (though not exclusively) by flying....🥴which I've had to do a lot of this year with book release. But I also HAVE to fly for my job. This is new though! Maybe pregnancy changed my inner ear? WHO KNOWS.
I also cut out dairy almost 9 years ago because it was such a trigger for me! As soon as I eat much of that, they come back with a vengeance.