This resonates deeply. I've been querying through covid, cancer, infertility, and leading a union to the cusp of strike. The book I've been working on for the last 10 months is a book that I desperately want to have written because it's really good, unique, and marketable—but I'm not enjoying a speck of the writing. While taking writing 'vacations' from it I've drafted another book and a half! The pressure I've put on myself to produce THE THING I MUST PRODUCE sucks, and it makes me question whether trad pub is right for me at all.
That and the fact that many agents take longer to read a business letter than I do to write a book.
One pressure you didn't mention is the dread that with any life change the writing will stop and not come back. My fear of mortality from my cancer diagnosis (which was a doozy) manifested in the fear that I'd never write another book. That fear continues to push me toward productivity, but I have to recognize when I'm being motivated by existential dread and take a step back, or else writing becomes a miserable slog.
A lot of people have been talking about "How to Keep House While Drowning" (for good reason!). The first chapter is titled, "Care tasks are morally neutral." Some minimum amount of effort is needed each day to keep us alive, but even that is physical necessity, not moral. I think it's true of productivity and creativity, too! They are morally neutral. You're not a bad person if they're hard and you're not a better person if they're easy. They just are what they are.
Again, not that we're perfect at it, but that's the truth you can use to remind yourself. I am SO BAD at forgiving myself for not writing faster (through a pandemic, depression, and a cross-country move?!) but I did eventually get back to it! Kathy Krevat, a writer I met at a class, gave a talk called "Occasional Persistence." Basically, persistence means you always go back to it, not that you're always doing it. "Along the way, life got in the way of writing. I LET a lot of things get in the way because writing is hard. But even working on it only occasionally eventually paid off. It might not happen on the timeline you want it to. But it will happen."
Thank you so much. I just had a miscarriage last week after carrying our baby for 17 weeks, While dealing with this immense grief, I also have been shaming myself for not wanting to write. I want to write and finish my third draft, but my hormones and my grief have made me so tired. Thank you for this post, it's exactly what I needed today.
Thank you so much. I feel this is my bones. My first 5 (6?? I’ve lost count) cycles were a new disaster each time and we just got lucky the stars all aligned with our very last embryo. I am fortunate enough to have a day job that just started offering fertility benefits which blows my mind compared to before. I love to write. I hope to one day make it my full time job but until then I can see it’s ok to take time off. I have the luxury of only self imposed deadlines now. But by focusing on the joy of the process and not my own imaginary deadlines is something I will do this time around. I hope I can take that mentality to my day job!
P.S. I LOVE Assassin’s Creed Odyssey! And all of them. Ok maybe I more than love the franchise as my daughter is actually named Evie after Evie Frye from AC Syndicate 🥰
Thank you for sharing this, Sooz. It touched something deep within me. You're so right: we all write through our hard times differently (and sometimes we don't write at all, and that's okay).
I was on deadline with my debut novel when I started what would be many rounds of IVF. I was on deadline with my second when I returned to that process, suffering my way through a miscarriage. I was copyediting that same book on a very tight deadline when I risked another embryo transfer, desperately trying to concentrate through the haze of hard drugs and fearful thoughts. During all of these periods, I had to slow down, and I felt shame about it, even though I knew I shouldn't. I spent the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy virtually unable to write, thinking I had burned myself out completely; then I went off all the drugs and it came rushing (well, more like trickling, but it came) back.
My advice to anyone writing during IVF is: don't underestimate the effects the drugs might have on your energy, your mood, and your creativity. Honor your body and mind, and the toll this process is taking on you. And don't be afraid to say "I can't right now," whether it's to a publisher, your family and friends, or to yourself. I had to do this with my publisher more than once, and it was hard, but necessary. Give yourself grace and step back if you need . There is no more important time to take care of yourself than during this incredibly difficult process, and sometimes that means slowing down or stepping away.
This resonates deeply. I've been querying through covid, cancer, infertility, and leading a union to the cusp of strike. The book I've been working on for the last 10 months is a book that I desperately want to have written because it's really good, unique, and marketable—but I'm not enjoying a speck of the writing. While taking writing 'vacations' from it I've drafted another book and a half! The pressure I've put on myself to produce THE THING I MUST PRODUCE sucks, and it makes me question whether trad pub is right for me at all.
That and the fact that many agents take longer to read a business letter than I do to write a book.
One pressure you didn't mention is the dread that with any life change the writing will stop and not come back. My fear of mortality from my cancer diagnosis (which was a doozy) manifested in the fear that I'd never write another book. That fear continues to push me toward productivity, but I have to recognize when I'm being motivated by existential dread and take a step back, or else writing becomes a miserable slog.
Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal. I always appreciate your honesty and compassion!
I needed this today. Thank you for sharing. 💗
A lot of people have been talking about "How to Keep House While Drowning" (for good reason!). The first chapter is titled, "Care tasks are morally neutral." Some minimum amount of effort is needed each day to keep us alive, but even that is physical necessity, not moral. I think it's true of productivity and creativity, too! They are morally neutral. You're not a bad person if they're hard and you're not a better person if they're easy. They just are what they are.
Again, not that we're perfect at it, but that's the truth you can use to remind yourself. I am SO BAD at forgiving myself for not writing faster (through a pandemic, depression, and a cross-country move?!) but I did eventually get back to it! Kathy Krevat, a writer I met at a class, gave a talk called "Occasional Persistence." Basically, persistence means you always go back to it, not that you're always doing it. "Along the way, life got in the way of writing. I LET a lot of things get in the way because writing is hard. But even working on it only occasionally eventually paid off. It might not happen on the timeline you want it to. But it will happen."
Thank you so much. I just had a miscarriage last week after carrying our baby for 17 weeks, While dealing with this immense grief, I also have been shaming myself for not wanting to write. I want to write and finish my third draft, but my hormones and my grief have made me so tired. Thank you for this post, it's exactly what I needed today.
Annie, I'm so deeply sorry. From one writer/miscarriage survivor to another: Take care of yourself. The writing will come when you're ready.
Thank you so much. I feel this is my bones. My first 5 (6?? I’ve lost count) cycles were a new disaster each time and we just got lucky the stars all aligned with our very last embryo. I am fortunate enough to have a day job that just started offering fertility benefits which blows my mind compared to before. I love to write. I hope to one day make it my full time job but until then I can see it’s ok to take time off. I have the luxury of only self imposed deadlines now. But by focusing on the joy of the process and not my own imaginary deadlines is something I will do this time around. I hope I can take that mentality to my day job!
P.S. I LOVE Assassin’s Creed Odyssey! And all of them. Ok maybe I more than love the franchise as my daughter is actually named Evie after Evie Frye from AC Syndicate 🥰
Thank you for sharing this, Sooz. It touched something deep within me. You're so right: we all write through our hard times differently (and sometimes we don't write at all, and that's okay).
I was on deadline with my debut novel when I started what would be many rounds of IVF. I was on deadline with my second when I returned to that process, suffering my way through a miscarriage. I was copyediting that same book on a very tight deadline when I risked another embryo transfer, desperately trying to concentrate through the haze of hard drugs and fearful thoughts. During all of these periods, I had to slow down, and I felt shame about it, even though I knew I shouldn't. I spent the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy virtually unable to write, thinking I had burned myself out completely; then I went off all the drugs and it came rushing (well, more like trickling, but it came) back.
My advice to anyone writing during IVF is: don't underestimate the effects the drugs might have on your energy, your mood, and your creativity. Honor your body and mind, and the toll this process is taking on you. And don't be afraid to say "I can't right now," whether it's to a publisher, your family and friends, or to yourself. I had to do this with my publisher more than once, and it was hard, but necessary. Give yourself grace and step back if you need . There is no more important time to take care of yourself than during this incredibly difficult process, and sometimes that means slowing down or stepping away.
Good luck, Christina! I'll be thinking of you.